• The Good: How to Put the "Give" into Thanksgiving
•The Bad: Divorce Yourself from the Thanksgiving Blues
• The Ugly: How to Navigate Nosy Divorce Questions on Thanksgiving

Do you dread Turkey Day? Are you feeling crankful instead of thankful? Maybe you have an obligation to go to your in-laws, when you and your husband are fighting, and not sure you will make it to Christmas. Or perhaps you are suddenly single again, and don’t want to go alone to your parents’ or grandparents’ table, but don’t want to be alone either. What if people are coming to your house, and you just don’t have that Thanksgiving spirit: the economy, your work, your life — none of it seems good dinner table material.

And all that work putting together the meal. You’ve never felt so alone.

Luckily, there are strategies to get you through anything. What about that long drive with a husband that seems soon to be your ex. You have difficulty talking to each other, and now you are going to be in a car for a couple of hours. What do you do?

• First tactic: invite someone else along. It can be under the guise of “poor Emily, we don’t want her to spend Thanksgiving alone!” But at least there will now be another person in the car. You can’t be too uncivil to each other. And at least you’ll have someone to talk to.

• Second tactic: honesty. Make a pact with your husband … you will both put on a good face, and not bring everyone else down with sniping and griping. You will respect each other, and you will get your stories straight, whatever those stories are.

• The Good: How to Put the "Give" into Thanksgiving
•The Bad: Divorce Yourself from the Thanksgiving Blues
• The Ugly: How to Navigate Nosy Divorce Questions on Thanksgiving

It's that time of year again: Thanksgiving. The relatives gather, friends come calling. Some genuinely want to know how you — and your relationship (or lack of one) — are doing; others are just plain nosy.

Here, FWW offers scenarios and questions you might encounter this T-Day. And since how you may be tempted to respond might not go over so well, we’ve enlisted Dr. Diana Kirschner, a psychologist specializing in love and relationships, to explain what you should say to avoid awkward moments and deflect any uncomfortable questions thrown your way. So sit down to a family dinner prepared to volley polite, PC answers right back at 'em. No curve balls this Thanksgiving!

As Dr. Diana explains, "These are answers based on the idea that you don't want to open up to these relatives. In general, feel free to simply smile and not answer a question — instead answer a question with another question directed at the person."

CONTEMPLATING DIVORCE

• The Good: How to Put the "Give" into Thanksgiving
•The Bad: Divorce Yourself from the Thanksgiving Blues
• The Ugly: How to Navigate Nosy Divorce Questions on Thanksgiving

You know the saying that behind every great man is a woman. So it should not be surprising that there’s a woman behind Thanksgiving, too. The fact we even have it as a national holiday is due to the dogged efforts of Sarah Josepha Hale, the 19th century version of Oprah Winfrey. Hale was the editor of Godey's Lady’s Book. She was so enamored with the values of the pilgrims — steadfast, hardworking, religious, tenacious — she relentlessly used editorials year after year to promote the idea of Thanksgiving.

In addition to raising five children, advocating equal education for women, writing novels and poems, including “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” Hale lobbied President Lincoln with the determination of a Sherman tank. Finally, in the middle of the Civil War, President Lincoln declared Thursday, Nov. 23, 1863 a national holiday.

The idea of the holiday was not just gratitude but of giving to others.

And this year, more than any in recent memory, more people are in need of a helping hand. The loss of jobs has created a bigger need for food and a heaping spoonful of generosity.

All food banks are expecting an increase of people in need at their organizations. Whether serving food, packing grocery bags, or sorting canned items, you can spend a few hours of volunteering and make a difference.

This Thanksgiving I will serve turkey and all the trimmings. It is going to be a Martha Stewart holiday complete with the perfect table setting. A centerpiece of pumpkins and shellacked gourds surrounded by smiling family members sharing gratitude for family, friends, and life in general.

The only problem is, while I’m baking the Turkey I’ll be stewing a pot of anger inside. Recent contact with my ex has left me feeling less than kind toward him. I’m positive that when my youngest shares with the family how grateful he is for the expensive jacket his father recently purchased him, I’m going to have to bite my tongue.

I would like to be able to vindictively remind my son that that nice jacket is one of the few things his father has done for him in more than five years. It would feel as if I had been internally cleansed to be able to tell my son that a decent father doesn’t tell his child, “I’ve been right here waiting for you to call me.”

Waiting for five years for his son to come to him, instead of the father coming to his son!

I’ll bite my tongue because my son doesn’t deserve the spilling forth and putting into words the ill will I feel toward his father. I won’t allow the lid off that pot of anger because to do so would only put me in a league with his father, and the last thing I desire is spreading any more hurt and pain.

Ok, I’m being a little less than honest. I wouldn’t mind seeing his father suffer some consequences. What I wouldn’t give to see him suffer just a fraction of the pain he caused his children! I will let the need to witness that go, if it means my child having peace of mind and a happy Thanksgiving.

One of the remarkable aspects of our democracy is how, after a grueling presidential race, the losing candidate makes a concession speech and there is a gracious transition of power. The incoming President then acknowledges the attributes of his competitor in the Presidential race.

This tradition starts the process of healing and accepting the inevitability of the outcome. I know many of my friends would have loved to hear their ex-husbands give a concession speech after their divorces.

"My Dear Wife," it would go. “We have battled and disagreed on many subjects. Sometimes it got very personal and insensitive. Feelings were hurt. We created fear and animosity. Injustices were felt as was an economic downturn. We are no longer man and wife. But we are still parents. We must remember — as Barack Obama said in his acceptance speech, ‘We are not enemies, but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.’ ”

Indeed. We may have broken up but we are simultaneously rebuilding a new family unit. In fact — as John McCain said — “Join me in finding ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help leave our children and grandchildren stronger.”

Wouldn’t that be nice? An olive branch, a speech or a built-in-tradition where ex-husband and ex-wife vowed to make efforts to support each other in their lives ahead.

In any marriage, in any election, there is a winner and a loser. Even in an amicable divorce, someone feels more disappointment, someone is more elated.

How does one deal with disappointment?

Domestic abuse does not have to be physical to be experienced as abuse. Abuse can include belittling a woman, keeping her on a very tight leash financially, limiting her movements outside of the house, filling the house with fear. A Canadian study found that 79 percent of marriages with serious abuse end in divorce.

The first step in dealing with abuse is recognizing it. But action must be taken. Here are some sources of information:

• National Domestic Abuse Hotline

• Domestic Abuse Awareness Handbook

• State Coalition List

• Domestic Abuse Shelters

• Domestic Abuse Victims Rights

Escaping Domestic Abuse:

If you or someone you know are living in an abusive relationship, and there is a chance of danger, the important thing is being ready and able to leave. Leaving isn’t an easy decision to make, I understand that. If you are decide to stay in a relationship, but think you might have to flee some day for safety’s sake, keep a survival kit ready.

Look up the addresses of the nearest women’s shelters or motels, so you know you will have a place to go. And make sure you have the following items with you:

• Money for cab fare

• A change of clothes

• Extra house and car keys

• Birth certificates

• Driver’s license or passport

• Medications and copies of prescriptions

• Insurance information

• Checkbook

• Credit cards

• Legal documents, including, if you have them, separation agreements and protection orders

• Address books

If you think you know of an abusive husband or partner, look over the questions below. Not all abuse involves hitting or threats of physical violence. Recognizing the warning signs and symptoms of domestic abuse is the first step in helping the abused.

Remember that someone who is scared, denied access to money, or put down is being abused as well. This may apply to you, your mother, your sister, a friend, your child.

The questions are courtesy of the National Coalition Against Domestic Abuse.

Does someone...

• Embarrass or make fun of her in front of her friends or family?

• Put down her accomplishments or goals?

• Make her feel like she is unable to make decisions?

• Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?

• Tell her that she is nothing without them?

• Treat her roughly – grab, push, pinch, shove or hit her?

• Call her several times a night or show up to make sure she is where she said she would be?

• Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing her?

• Blame her for how he feels or acts?

• Pressure her sexually for things she isn’t ready for?

• Make her feel trapped, like there "is no way out" of the relationship?

• Prevent her from doing things she wants – like spending time with her friends or family?

• Try to keep her from leaving after a fight, or leave her somewhere after a fight to "teach her a lesson"?

Does she…

• Sometimes feel scared of how her partner will act?

• Constantly make excuses to other people for her partner's behavior?

• Believe that she can help her partner change if only she could change something about herself?

• Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make her partner angry?

Domestic abuse is about control and power, usually a man getting and keeping control and power over a woman. To simplify it, someone who commits domestic abuse is a control freak, and for the sake of argument, we are going to use the pronoun “he.” An abuser can’t feel good about himself unless he feels he is in total control of a woman and the relationship.

The abuser will use physical violence, threats of physical violence, isolation, yelling, screaming, and emotional, sexual or financial abuse to attempt to control his wife and in return control the relationship. He will leave both physical and emotional scars as he tried to remain in control and stave off the feeling of his wife being out of his control. And as the economy gets worse, and recession sets in, and jobs are lost, and income falls… the more an abuser takes out his feelings of helplessness on his wife.

Victims of Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse happens to women of all ages, races and religions. Her economic or professional status is not an indicator of whether or not she will one day be a victim of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse occurs in the poorest neighbor and the priciest mansions.

Nearly 95 percent of domestic abuse victims are women. Over 50 percent of all women will experience domestic abuse in a love relationship and, for 24 to 30 percent of these women, the abuse happens regularly and over a long period.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Abuse, every 15 seconds a man or a woman becomes a victim of abuse. An abuser may seem gentle, loving, and kind to begin with. A woman might start a relationship thinking she had met her soul-mate, only to discover her mate had no soul at all.