Now that Thanksgiving has passed, we know what comes next: the big push to find (and pay for) all kinds of presents for neighbors, co-workers, the mailman, church members, and that aged aunt we haven’t seen in 30 years.

Just in time, we’ve got a great discussion going on at FWW’s social network. Money, post-divorce, can be tight and our members have gotten together to exchange gift and decorating ideas to make the holidays more affordable. I thought I would share a few of their suggestions here. For more check out “Inexpensive holiday ideas" on the network.

Gifts:

• Buy Chinese take out boxes from Smart and Final, decorate the outside with the recipient's name and some frou-frou, then put in tissue paper, half a dozen or so cookies, and the recipe.

• Decorate holiday wreaths. Take a walk and collect pinecones, spray-paint them gold or silver and put them on the wreaths. Jo-Ann Fabrics & Crafts and Michaels have great sales on ornaments to add on the wreath. Try to theme your wreaths to your friends’ or relatives’ favorite hobbies, personal style, etc.

• Do you have a great cookie, bar or brownie recipe? If so, give someone else the chance to make it. Layer the dry ingredients in a mason jar. Decorate the top with Christmas fabric, pompoms, beads and so on. Write the recipe on a cute card. All the recipient has to do is add eggs and water and voila, tasty holiday treats!

You're ready to take the plunge. The dating plunge, that is. Maybe it's been awhile? So what's a woman to do — if she hasn't dated in decades? Last week, Dr. Diana Kirschner described the signs to look for to know that you're ready to date again in "Getting Back in the Dating Game, Part One." This week, she offers dating 101 protocol.

Q. If you feel out of practice at the whole dating thing, how can you "cram" for your first date? 

Think about some movies, plays, or news events (not emotionally-polarizing events) that drew your interest lately. Be prepared to talk about them. Also, google the guy and see if you can find out whether you might have mutual interests that you can discuss. Googling in advance of a first date is a good practice in terms of meeting someone who comes from an online site — you can check on whether the guy is honest!

Q. If it's been awhile since you last dated (say 10 years!), how do you know how quickly things should go?

They should go slowly!! Learning to date is like learning to swim. Take your time and do friendly (no sex) dating with several guys at once in order to  master dating. You want to learn about what you need and want in a partner at this stage in your life. If you jump in to fast, you can get emotionally entangled before you even know the guy. And he can reject you, disappear on you, disappoint you — regardless of how loving he is initially. Make him hang in there and prove himself. I've seen the too-fast-too-soon-with-one-guy (Flame-out Deadly Dating pattern) hurt a lot of women.
 
Q. Let's say you adore the first man you date post-divorce. Should you proceed with the relationship — or date a few more guys before getting serious with one?

Holiday season parties and get-togethers are already underway with save-the dates magnetized to the fridge. My married and single friends have been reading Skinny Bitch, the Secret, and The Power of Now in an effort to prime themselves for the season.

Lots of women I know are doing volunteer work at shelters, retirement homes, hospices and children’s hospitals during hours they used to spend shopping (so there is an upside to this bad economy!). Doing good for others encourages an optimistic attitude and confidence in your own future.

This is the time to network, socialize, and get back in the game. Whether you’re job hunting or seeking your soul mate, looking your best is essential.

Right now, the only splurging going on is at dermatologists’ offices, where new injectable fillers and fat treatments recently approved by the FDA are experiencing a pre-holiday surge. They do work, they are pricey (check with your dermatologist as prices vary around the country and from doctor to doctor), but I’ve included affordable alternatives too.

Here are the top three beauty peeves, with medical pro and at-home solutions for each.
 
Gripe 1: Expression Lines Make You Look Tired & Angry

• The Good: How to Put the "Give" into Thanksgiving
•The Bad: Divorce Yourself from the Thanksgiving Blues
• The Ugly: How to Navigate Nosy Divorce Questions on Thanksgiving

Do you dread Turkey Day? Are you feeling crankful instead of thankful? Maybe you have an obligation to go to your in-laws, when you and your husband are fighting, and not sure you will make it to Christmas. Or perhaps you are suddenly single again, and don’t want to go alone to your parents’ or grandparents’ table, but don’t want to be alone either. What if people are coming to your house, and you just don’t have that Thanksgiving spirit: the economy, your work, your life — none of it seems good dinner table material.

And all that work putting together the meal. You’ve never felt so alone.

Luckily, there are strategies to get you through anything. What about that long drive with a husband that seems soon to be your ex. You have difficulty talking to each other, and now you are going to be in a car for a couple of hours. What do you do?

• First tactic: invite someone else along. It can be under the guise of “poor Emily, we don’t want her to spend Thanksgiving alone!” But at least there will now be another person in the car. You can’t be too uncivil to each other. And at least you’ll have someone to talk to.

• Second tactic: honesty. Make a pact with your husband … you will both put on a good face, and not bring everyone else down with sniping and griping. You will respect each other, and you will get your stories straight, whatever those stories are.

• The Good: How to Put the "Give" into Thanksgiving
•The Bad: Divorce Yourself from the Thanksgiving Blues
• The Ugly: How to Navigate Nosy Divorce Questions on Thanksgiving

It's that time of year again: Thanksgiving. The relatives gather, friends come calling. Some genuinely want to know how you — and your relationship (or lack of one) — are doing; others are just plain nosy.

Here, FWW offers scenarios and questions you might encounter this T-Day. And since how you may be tempted to respond might not go over so well, we’ve enlisted Dr. Diana Kirschner, a psychologist specializing in love and relationships, to explain what you should say to avoid awkward moments and deflect any uncomfortable questions thrown your way. So sit down to a family dinner prepared to volley polite, PC answers right back at 'em. No curve balls this Thanksgiving!

As Dr. Diana explains, "These are answers based on the idea that you don't want to open up to these relatives. In general, feel free to simply smile and not answer a question — instead answer a question with another question directed at the person."

CONTEMPLATING DIVORCE

• The Good: How to Put the "Give" into Thanksgiving
•The Bad: Divorce Yourself from the Thanksgiving Blues
• The Ugly: How to Navigate Nosy Divorce Questions on Thanksgiving

You know the saying that behind every great man is a woman. So it should not be surprising that there’s a woman behind Thanksgiving, too. The fact we even have it as a national holiday is due to the dogged efforts of Sarah Josepha Hale, the 19th century version of Oprah Winfrey. Hale was the editor of Godey's Lady’s Book. She was so enamored with the values of the pilgrims — steadfast, hardworking, religious, tenacious — she relentlessly used editorials year after year to promote the idea of Thanksgiving.

In addition to raising five children, advocating equal education for women, writing novels and poems, including “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” Hale lobbied President Lincoln with the determination of a Sherman tank. Finally, in the middle of the Civil War, President Lincoln declared Thursday, Nov. 23, 1863 a national holiday.

The idea of the holiday was not just gratitude but of giving to others.

And this year, more than any in recent memory, more people are in need of a helping hand. The loss of jobs has created a bigger need for food and a heaping spoonful of generosity.

All food banks are expecting an increase of people in need at their organizations. Whether serving food, packing grocery bags, or sorting canned items, you can spend a few hours of volunteering and make a difference.

This Thanksgiving I will serve turkey and all the trimmings. It is going to be a Martha Stewart holiday complete with the perfect table setting. A centerpiece of pumpkins and shellacked gourds surrounded by smiling family members sharing gratitude for family, friends, and life in general.

The only problem is, while I’m baking the Turkey I’ll be stewing a pot of anger inside. Recent contact with my ex has left me feeling less than kind toward him. I’m positive that when my youngest shares with the family how grateful he is for the expensive jacket his father recently purchased him, I’m going to have to bite my tongue.

I would like to be able to vindictively remind my son that that nice jacket is one of the few things his father has done for him in more than five years. It would feel as if I had been internally cleansed to be able to tell my son that a decent father doesn’t tell his child, “I’ve been right here waiting for you to call me.”

Waiting for five years for his son to come to him, instead of the father coming to his son!

I’ll bite my tongue because my son doesn’t deserve the spilling forth and putting into words the ill will I feel toward his father. I won’t allow the lid off that pot of anger because to do so would only put me in a league with his father, and the last thing I desire is spreading any more hurt and pain.

Ok, I’m being a little less than honest. I wouldn’t mind seeing his father suffer some consequences. What I wouldn’t give to see him suffer just a fraction of the pain he caused his children! I will let the need to witness that go, if it means my child having peace of mind and a happy Thanksgiving.

Even after all these years, it surprises me how powerless one can feel as a stepparent and how important it is to manage expectations. This crystallizes often over the holidays when I ask my stepchildren to help me with the holiday card and have to negotiate their schedules as though I'm a United Nations diplomat.

Unlike my 10-year-old son, with whom I can say, "Please be at this place at this time" — and when he doesn't, I can yell, "Get your butt down here now" — every request to my step daughters must be managed carefully.

At the same time, if you ask step kids how they feel after their parents’ divorce, they will say they feel powerless, with no say in anything, that they have to juggle between two families while negotiating roles, rules, and status in both households.

Recently I emailed my stepdaughter telling her that step parenting is a lot like gardening a bed of roses. Instead of getting to dig deep and attach myself to the root stock, I am allowed only to skim the surface and never feel as though I've penetrated top soil. If I grab the flower the wrong way, it can be prickly. But it is still beautiful and worth nurturing.

She emailed me this response: "Just like the rose, stepchildren cannot help but have thorns, because it is in their nature to protect their roots."

I loved this exchange because it is honest — and helpful. The holidays are an emotionally charged time for any family — but even more so for stepfamilies. After years of experience, and as a certified stepfamily coach, I have learned that the secret to having a good time during the holidays is recognizing that each person should have a say in some part of the event, which makes it more a democracy than a dictatorship. The other part is following the adage that no act of love, however small, is wasted.