The opening lines of Leslie Lehr’s novel “Wife Goes On” will resonate with many women.

“The truth is, I was afraid to be alone” she writes, tapping into most women’s secret fear. “Then I heard my daughter swear she’d never get married and I realized sticking it out wouldn’t win me Mother of the Year.

“If I wanted my kids to be happy, I would have to show them how. So I tore off those golden shackles — and found out I wasn’t alone. … Everywhere, there are members who have paid their dues, know the secret handshake and are reaping the benefits of real friendship. Welcome to Club Divorce.”

That’s Diane, an MBA hotshot turned PTA Superman, speaking. In Lehr’s frothy romp, the bond of friendship between Diane and three other women creates opportunities for hankies for the tears, a hankering for new careers, and hanky-panky in dating.

Diane’s husband gambled away their assets, proving that even if your hubby is in the insurance business, there is no assurance that marriages last forever. She uses her business moxie to start Pure Romance, a company selling sex toys based on the Tupperware models of your mom’s generation.

Then there is Lana, a luscious former actress who works in a furniture store, and isn’t going to sit around and feel sorry for herself.

Annette is the hard-edged divorce lawyer who has to pay alimony to her ex-husband, who left her for a man and got custody of their daughter. She wants her child back, on her terms.

Finally there is the homecoming queen, Bonnie, who married the football star and finds that her life — saddled with two kids and Buck, a beer-swilling husband — is no fairytale.

Lehr’s characters experience all the dramas and traumas of divorce — dealing with lawyers, pissed-off kids, budgets shrunken to the size of a brownie, relocation, rejection, and, most importantly, rejuvenation.

Is your child “missing” activities because you can’t afford them, or don’t have time to take him, or the schedule interferes with his father’s visitation? Stop worrying. You may be doing your child a big favor. Less can actually be more.

Here is the third article for FWW by Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of “The Over-Scheduled Child.”

Parents wear their frazzled exhaustion as merit badges.

We see this in everyday life. We ask a friend about her kids’ activities and despite being frazzled looking, she proudly answers, “Monday-soccer and math tutoring, Tuesday, soccer then piano, Wednesday religious school, Thursday – long soccer practice, but Friday is free, which leaves the weekend for soccer games both days because Liz was so good she was selected to be on the travel team.”

You feel exhausted just listening to this list. Imagine how poor Liz feels! And a divorced mom does all this with less money while trying to balance the details two parents used to handle.

Other than in video games, adults have colonized what traditionally was children’s after-school world. Kids want to play sports, but they don’t necessarily want to be judged on how they play.

As Fred Engh — head of the National Alliance for Youth Sports — points out, 78 percent of young children would rather play for a losing team than warm the bench for one that wins.

Kids have fun playing, can develop an ease with their bodies, learn about teamwork and sportsmanship, enhance their self esteem if they are good athletes, and find a physical activity that gives them pleasure and a sense of physical well-being for the rest of their lives.

The American Academy of Pediatrics warned parents about the dangers of young kids competing in demanding, incredibly competitive sports. They strongly advised that children play multiple sports and specialize in one, if they must, only after puberty.

If you plan to represent yourself in the divorce, or go Pro Se, you will have to be organized, know your state laws, get acquainted with your court clerk, and know your state’s rules of behavior for attorneys and judges.

Divorce is an emotional and legal event. If you have an attorney representing you, you are free to focus on the emotional aspect of your divorce. If you are representing yourself, it’s up to you to deal with both the emotional and legal aspects. To be successful as a Pro Se litigant you need to put your emotions on the back burner.

The best way to stay focused and protect your legal rights is organization and preparation.

Organization:

Knowledge will be your best friend; organization will be your second-best friend. The Pro Se litigant will accumulate a mountain of paperwork through legal research and court filings. Being organized will help you stay focused and will save time and energy.

• Purchase file folders and a filing cabinet to be used before, during, and after the divorce process.

• When doing research on state divorce laws and civil procedure, print out what you find and file it away in it’s own folder. It is reference material and you want it handy.

• Have a separate file for every document you file with the courts. In that file keep the original and a copy that is stamped by the court clerk with the court stamp and dates the document was filed.

• Keep a written log of everyone you speak with, the date you speak with them and the issue discussed. It will be a quick reference that will keep you from having to spend valuable time looking back through files.

Preparation:

It’s not clear exactly when jeans became a staple in every woman-worth-her-Manolos' wardrobe. But the denim universe seems to be polarized into below-the-belly, hip-hugging skinnies fit for Hannah Montana, and unflattering jeans — known in the trade as, shudder, “mom jeans.”

What is a chic woman to do?

Try Not Your Daughter’s Jeans. These high-waist jeans have a cult following for their ability to slim the tummy, lift the butt and diminish the muffin-top.

If that weren’t enough, they’ve received the Oprah seal of approval. But wait, there’s more: most women say they can fit into a size smaller than usual.

The Classic Indigo slim-cut jean costs less than $100 and is available online from Nordstrom.com.

It can easily be dressed up or down with the right tops and accessories. Here are three looks, from day to night, work to play.

1. Work: Pair the Classic Indigo with the Valette cotton cashmere top from Nordstrom ($168, in gray or oatmeal) The oversized collar gives the Valette an ample dose of structure and exudes confidence. Slip on a faux-snakeskin pump, like the Karyn ($125) from Nine West, and you’re set.

If you were dieting to lose weight, you'd know precisely how much you wanted to lose, and how fast you wanted to lose it. You need to be just as specific about your debts. Ask yourself these questions:

• How much do I owe?
• At what interest rates?
• By when would I like to pay it back?

You know that certain diets exclude some foods, at least for a while. The Debt Diet has nine rules to follow if you want the greatest shot at success:

1) Make debit your plastic of choice. When you're using a debit card, you can't spend money you don't have.

2) Slim down your wallet. Take all but one credit card (the one with the lowest interest rate) out of your wallet.

3) Stop shopping online except for groceries. Shopping online for groceries stops impulse purchasing and can save time and money. All other online shopping poses an expensive risk.

4) Stick to a shopping list. Whether you're buying a birthday present or burgers and buns, if an item is not on your list, you didn't think about it in advance. Don't buy it.

5) Make a visit to an ATM only once a week. Cash is even easier to blow through than plastic. Decide how much cash you want to spend each week. Take it out on a Monday and divvy it up into seven parts. Each day, carry one-seventh of the total with you. You're allowed to splurge with the extra you have saved.

6) Pay your bills as they come in, rather than all at once. If you do, you'll have more in savings, less in debt, and you'll be happier. Why? Because if you get a big bill – say for heating, or air conditioning – early in the month, you'll compensate and spend less on other things the rest of the month.

7) Bank online. If you are a believer – as I am – that time is money, then paying bills online saves you a lot of each.

Is your child “missing” activities because you can’t afford them, or don’t have time to take him, or the schedule interferes with his father’s visitation? Stop worrying. You may be doing your child a big favor. Less can actually be more.

Here is the second of six articles for FWW by Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of “The Over-Scheduled Child.”

Some parents seem to operate on the notion that, if a little is good, a lot must be better. We know what that principle does to our computer when we start adding software!

Many children are enrolled in multiple, non-stop, “one-size-fits all” programs like soccer, music, and learning Mandarin Chinese. The balance between scheduled activities and down time, between enrichment and relationships, can be lost.

And a child’s preferences and temperament may be overlooked in that approach.

Kids are told to become not themselves but the best standard-issue items they can be!

Let me mention a few other ways this over-scheduling madness expresses itself:

• Mozart for babies. Because research supposedly “proved” that listening to Mozart enhanced mathematical ability, former Governor Zell Miller signed a bill to send every Georgia newborn home with a Mozart CD. While that could have been a progressive idea if the research had been valid, the research was actually done on college students, there was no comparison group, and the effect that was very short-lived.

And no one studied whether Mozart was superior to Mahler, Mick Jagger, whale songs, or the Dixie Chicks. What if “experts” found that what promoted children’s brain development was Gangsta Rap? Would parents play that in nurseries all day?

Maybe it’s hormonal. I don’t know about you, but at 3 AM I’m wide-awake and e-mailing my friends who are also — boiing! — awake and shopping online.

Rumor has it that sleep-deprivation leads to weight gain, general crankiness, and an urge to splurge on expensive designer bags you’d never buy in the cold light of day. I doubt that’s true, but Madonna and Martha Stewart famously get by on almost no sleep — and they seem slim and on top of their game. But, yes, they are well put-together, come to think of it…

When I do finally doze-off, I’m still multi-tasking and de-aging with these four ingredients:

Prescriptives Good In Bed Restoring Night Moisturizer ($65 at prescriptives.com)

A super-charged hybrid hydrator/subtle self-tanner that smoothes with shea butter and vitamin E, you wake up looking like you’ve been on vacation for weeks.

Rogaine for Men ($29.99 at drugstore.com) dabbed on my skimpy outer eyebrows with a Q-tip

A top NYC dermatologist, Dr. Debra Jaliman, suggested this to me as a possible way to regrow my overplucked brows... and it works! (But ask your own dermatologist first before your try)

John Frieda Frizz-Ease Crème Serum Overnight Repair ($9.99 at your local drugstore)

Work a gumball-size glob through dry hair before bed to restore a silk texture. It won’t leave any residue on pillows or sheets and makes-over crispy fried hair by dawn.

Hanro long black cotton slip-style nightgown ($124 at saksfifthavenue.com)

Life isn’t over after a divorce. It’s a new beginning. But women are worried about dating again, about their ex-husbands dating again, and about the shaky feeling that comes when the divorce process begins.

www.truemomconfessions.com has agreed to swap content with firstwivesworld.com every week. True Mom Confessions provides the questions, and we provide the advice.

True Mom Question:

I don't know the protocol on dating after divorce. I haven't had feelings for soon-to-be ex DH in a long time, so I feel like I'm ready to embark on the dating scene. Do I wait until the divorce is final (at least four more months)? How long before I introduce him to the kids? I am really scared about this situation. Will anybody want to date a single Mom?

First Wives World Answer:

Single moms date all the time, and find love again. It’s called reinvention and renewal and possibility. It all awaits you in the next chapter of your life. Look at Reese Witherspoon, even Angelina Jolie. They were single moms. Now you may think, “I’m not a movie star.” But you are. You have within you something that shines brightly and will be desirable to the right person. Since your divorce is going to be finalized in four months, however, why not wait? Use this time to embark on improving yourself, buying a new outfit for a first date, and becoming the best person you can be. As far as when to introduce someone to the kids, let’s wait until you find someone worthy. While there are no set rules, most experts say you shouldn’t introduce kids to anyone you haven’t dated for at least six months. You want them to have faith in the sturdiness and consistency of love. Life is long. A whole new future awaits you, and your children.

TMQ:

Is your child “missing” activities because you can’t afford them, or don’t have time to take him, or the schedule interferes with his father’s visitation? Stop worrying. You may be doing your child a big favor. Less can actually be more.

Here is the first of six articles for FWW by Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of “The Over-Scheduled Child”:

Many devoted American parents enroll their children in near-endless, costly activities.

When couples divorce and Mom — the parent usually left as the one primarily responsible for raising the kids — is left with far less expendable income, she is often worried that if she deprives her kids of these activities, their only acceptance letter will be to the Lower Southeast Sonoma County Junior College’s night extension program.

They will have miserable lives, and she — and she alone — will be to blame. Given that equation, what choice does she really have?

Is the equation true? Anecdotal evidence suggests the opposite.

Leonard Bernstein started playing the piano not at 4 but at 10; until George Gershwin discovered music, he specialized — apparently with considerable success — in being a child hoodlum.

I have been told that unlike Tiger Woods’s near neo-natal success, Michael Jordan did not make his high school junior varsity basketball team at first.

Exceptional people find their true calling later in life, in overcoming their own – or a loved one’s – handicap. Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone because he was struggling to find a way to help cure his wife’s family’s inherited deafness.

In my experience, many (if not most) creative people select as a life’s work not what came easily to them but what they had to work hard to be good at.

Pro Se is Latin for "for himself" or "on one's own behalf." A person who represents him- or herself in court, without the help of a lawyer, is said to appear pro se.

The decision to get divorced can be difficult. You will be concerned about starting over, your children and of course, money. Money or lack thereof is one of the main reasons a person may choose to go Pro Se and represent herself during the legal process of divorce.

If you can’t afford an attorney, this articles, and the two that will follow, are for you. This is a comprehensive, step-by-step guide for anyone who needs or wants to represent herself and become a Pro Se litigant in divorce court.

Before jumping into the how-to’s of the Pro Se process it’s important to talk about the level of commitment it takes to represent yourself. Not everyone is equipped to go Pro Se. You need to be resilient and tenacious.

You will also have to:

• Deal with unexpected injustices and indignities. You will be exposed to nonsense that you would never expect in a court of law. You will meet people who will stare you in the face and lie under oath. You must be able to stare back at the nonsense and injustice and keep your cool while defending yourself and your position. Keep your outrage and anger to yourself and always respond to the indignities in a dignified manner.

• Write and speak accurately and precisely. When dealing with court documents and speaking in a courtroom setting it doesn’t matter what you intended to say. What matters is that you write and say what you mean…specifically. You want to write and speak literally and leave emotions out of the equation.