Just how do women get through infidelity in marriage? Does infidelity always lead to divorce?

These are questions the media and armchair pundits are pondering in the aftermath of the Spitzer sex scandal. Psychologists and academics say the obligation to remain sexually faithful to one's spouse continues to carry a lot of weight, at least in the U.S. In France and Italy, it's something else altogether. But in the U.S., among all the marital problems one can have, infidelity is the one most likely to lead to divorce.

Sociologists' research on infidelity shows that men are routinely motivated by sex, while women stray outside the bounds of marriage in search of emotional intimacy, the kind they're not receiving from their spouse. Yes, more men than women cheat, but the numbers are increasing for both genders.

In fact, a 1994 study by sociologist Edward Lauman found that 10 percent to 11 percent of spouses had cheated in the previous year; over a lifetime, the study revealed about 18 percent of women and 24 percent of men reported an extramarital affair. More recently, a 2006 Pew Research Center survey found that nearly 90 percent of participants said it's morally wrong for married individuals to have an affair, which may or may not involve sex. Nearly the same percentage said adultery is morally wrong.

Notably, experts say that wives are more likely to forgive a cheating spouse and remain in the marriage particularly if the infidelity was committed with a prostitute or a one-night stand, versus a mistress or someone with whom a longer-term emotional bond was formed. However men are much less forgiving of their cheating wives; most don't tolerate their wives' indiscretions and view infidelity as a statement about their manhood.

The hand-wringing over Silda Wall Spitzer's future with her now defamed husband, the governor of New York, has officially begun. Newspapers, talk radio, TV pundits, therapists and armchair shrinks — yeah, that's you and me and all of us — all chipping in with our two cents.

Silda, Silda, Silda... Whatever was she thinking standing by her cheatin' hubby, the gov of New York? Well, she and the gov are married for 20 years. They have three kids together. She shelved her prestigious and lucrative legal career to raise the kids and to be a dutiful political wife. She's also a passionate philanthropist and organizer, having founded a children's advocacy program (Children for Children), among other activities.

This is a dynamic woman. She is no fool. Will her children, three beautiful girls, ever be able to trust the men in their lives? What message does it send to them if she stays?

All bets are off on Silda's marriage. Yep. In what's likely to become the Super Bowl of divorces, I anticipate a separation and divorce proceedings to begin within six to eight months, or at least before the end of 2008.

Apparently, K-Fed, Britney Spears' ex, is a generous tipper.

According to attorneys for Spears, if Kevin Federline can tip a waitress $2,000, he can afford to pay his own legal bills. And boy are those bills mounting: K-Fed is looking at a $405,000 legal tab that he thinks his ex should pay.

Spears' new attorney Stacy Phillips told a court commissioner that Federline should pay between $150,000 and $175,000. She alleges that K-Fed omitted his $200,000 spousal-support checks from his earning declarations. Phillips also alleges that Federline recently tipped a waitress $2,000 on a $365 bill, and spent $20,000 on jewelry, phone calls and food while listing the charges as "business expenses."

Naturally, K-Fed's attorney says Spears should keep writing the checks. Spears' old law firm Trope and Trope reportedly charged her $630,000 for four months' work, while Federline's portion of the bill from his attorney was about $250,000 less.

These legal fees are mind-blowing but when you consider that attorneys, all kinds, routinely make $500 an hour, not including the hefty retainers they receive at the get-go....well, it's not unfathomable to see how quickly celebrity divorce cases hit the million dollar mark.

We're waiting to see what happens in the Mills/McCartney ruling, supposedly scheduled for March 17. And now, we're waiting with bated breath for the Spitzers to split; the New York Governor, in case you haven't heard, was caught up in a prostitution ring. Eliot Spitzer comes from a wealthy family but it's Silda who earned the big bucks as a high-powered corporate attorney. We'll wait and see...

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So, it looks like Star Jones Reynolds and hubby Al are calling it quits after just three years.

As you might recall, the former host of "The View" who most recently had a legal show on CourtTV (it bombed), went to great lengths hyping her wedding to the investment banker; she got slammed for having corporate sponsors for the lavish affair.

There were plenty of tabloid reports a while back about Al being gay. And then there was confession, finally, about the gastric bypass surgery. But what we really want to know is: Are they getting divorced because she got too thin?

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In order to finance his divorce settlement, Sir Paul McCartney plans to release tunes from the Beatles' catalogue on iTunes. Published reports say the former Beatle may have to pony up $40 to $60 million for a cash settlement to his ex-wife Heather Mills; his legal expenses are estimated at nearly $10 million.

The McCartney/Mills divorce is expected to be finalized in Britain's High Court on March 17.

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When your marriage is falling apart, it's urgent to take steps to protect your credit. Divorce ends one relationship, but the one you have with your creditors goes on.

To avoid a drastic hit on your credit score, you need to act in order to weather a financial storm created by divorce.

Financial experts have documented that a woman's credit takes a bigger hit than a man's when a couple splits up. Without a solid credit history in your own name, you won't be able to qualify for re-financing the marital home. And you're also likely to end up with high-interest credit cards and auto loans. Consumer financial guru John Ulzheimer makes the following useful suggestions:

* Pay up joint debts and cancel joint credit cards after you get a card in your own name.

* If joint debts can't be paid off, freeze those accounts so that neither you or your ex can run up more debt.

* If you're merely a credit card user on your spouse's card, remove your name.

* The family home should be sold unless one of you is able to buy out the other by qualifying for a new mortgage.

* Vehicles should be re-titled in each spouse's name, and car loans would have to be paid.

* If your ex is assigned to pay debt and fails to do so or pays late, place the shared accounts online so both of you can verify if the debt is being paid.

* If either of you is unable to pay the monthly bills due to job loss or illness, communicate with creditors to work out an arrangement. Unpaid joint debt will be reported to the three national reporting agencies resulting in lower credit scores.

I think it's good advice to take these precautions to protect your credit. Women especially benefit from these steps. Remember, regardless of a divorce, if there is joint debt — a mortgage, car loan or credit card — you're both on the hook to pay it off.

Forget about those Santa Ana winds. Oscar's embers blew directly into Ann Blanchard's house Tuesday night as Hollywood honchos, TV execs, first and second wives, along with various and sundry well-wishers gathered for a reading of Mimi Schmir's fictional and hilarious "Hot Flashes" blog...

The confab, masterminded by the former William Morris überagent who's now with Mosaic Media, drew Hollywood's finest TV and film actresses who read selections from the blog which chronicles the rollercoaster antics of Schmir's heroine, Esme, a late 40s-ish divorced mother of two. While I wasn't in Ann's parlor experiencing the "Hot Flashes," faux and for-real, firstwivesworld.com's intrepid correspondent reports the evening was a scorcher. Yes, HOT or you know, HOT!

Actresses Amy Brenneman ("Private Practice" and "Judging Amy"); Dana Delany ("Desperate Housewives"); Kathyrn Morris ("Cold Case"); and Natasha Henstridge ("Commander-in-Chief") each morphed into Esme as they read portions of the edgy blog that began on firstwivesworld.com. And they say there aren't any good parts for women?? Huh?!

Schmir, a writer for TV hits "Grey's Anatomy" and "Shark," was feted for her fiesty and comedic portrayal of the daily exploits of a pre-menopausal late 40s mom who's trying to move on with her life after a divorce in which her husband leaves her for a younger model (surprise, surprise). "Hot Flashes" just may be the next "Starter Wife" but there's a difference: "Hot Flashes" started on firstwivesworld.com, yes, the Web baby, and is destined for episodic television.

Oscar's afterglow may be fading but man-oh-man is it gettin' hot in here or what? Nah... it's just those damn "Hot Flashes"! Yeah, baby...

What, you say, am I talking about? Well, it's a reading of Mimi Schmir's fictional blog "Hot Flashes" that's getting firstwivesworld.com all hot and bothered. Mimi (pictured here) and a whole bunch of first, and most likely second wives will gather Tuesday night in Los Angeles to hear actresses Dana Delaney (ABC's "Desperate Housewives"), Amy Brenneman (ABC's "Private Practice"), Natasha Henstridge ("Dirty, Sexy Money") and Kathryn Morris (CBS' "Cold Case") read selections from the blog.

The reading, presented by First Wives World Productions along with the fabulous, Ann Blanchard, will feature the renowned actresses channeling the adventures of "Esme," Mimi's alter-ego, as she goes through a variety of pitfalls, hilarious escapades and twisted sexcapades. "Hot Flashes" appears once a week on firstwivesworld.com. Mimi also wrote for ABC's hit series "Grey's Anatomy".

There are more fictional series and episodic Webisodes planned on firstwivesworld.com. Now how's that for hot...?

If you're involved in a contested divorce, or are about to be, you need to be aware of using electronic devices to uncover illicit affairs or hidden assets.

It goes without saying that there is a treasure trove of information in your spouse's computer, Blackberry, cell phone and other electronic gadgets. It may seem like snooping, but during the discovery phase of a divorce, you can legitimately request copies of your spouse's e-mails. They may reveal adulterous relationships or hidden property. And that information can go a long way toward aiding your cause in contested issues such as custody, income and expenses.

GPS devices may reveal the whereabouts of a cheating spouse on days when you have doubts about unreasonable explanations. Another tool, now available with a court order, are E-ZPass toll records, which can similarly be used to establish rendezvous with a lover.

But this data mining isn't without its share of pitfalls. Electronic sleuthing can be illegal if you improperly access private electronic sources. If you break into a device, or if you lack permission to access it, the court may prohibit you from using the information in your case. Self-help steps must be employed legally. If you are an authorized user of your spouse's computer or cell phone, the information would be legally discovered.

You can open up a mine field of damaging evidence so long as no crime is committed in securing the facts. Internet browser histories, cell phone records and e-mails are increasingly being introduced into disputed divorce actions. Don't illegally take a Blackberry or laptop to a forensic expert to retrieve deleted information. Don't steal passwords. Attorneys and courts won't be party to illegal acts or invasions of privacy. But aside from those warnings, happy data mining.

Britney Spears' visitation rights were reinstated on Friday after her ex-husband Kevin Federline agreed to a modification in a court order. The troubled pop star will get to see her kids Sean Preston and Jayden James (we don't know when) after two stints at psychiatric facilities and several court appearances.

K-Fed has sole physical and legal custody of the boys; Britney's visitation rights were suspended on January 4 after her first hospitalization.

No matter the situation — and it's unclear exactly what her condition is (published reports say it's everything from bi-polar disorder to manic depression to obsessive compulsive disorder) — Britney will likely feel better when she sees her children. And the kids? At the tender ages of 2 and 1, respectively, these kids need their mother's presence in their lives. Is their mother troubled? To be sure. But childhood memories and emotional/physical bonds form very early. Attachment and abandonment issues come to the fore very quickly even in infancy.

I sure hope Britney, who seemingly has all the resources (both financial and familial) in the world, gets the help and treatment she needs to improve her mental and physical well-being. Even if she goes back to the business of being Britney/mega pop star, she'll never be whole if her kids are out of her life for long.

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