Christina Rowe opted for her ex-husband’s share in their house instead of alimony after he spent a month in jail for skipping child support. Rowe figures that, over time, the move saved her about $20,000 in taxes.

Tax tips aren’t thrown around a lot during divorces, when emotional grenades are more likely to be tossed. But estranged spouses can save a lot by working together calmly on alimony, the sale of the house, income-tax filing status and timing of the divorce.

“Smart people say ‘I hate you, but I hate the Internal Revenue Service more,’ ” says Diana L. Mercer, an attorney and divorce mediator at Peace Talks Mediation Services in Playa del Ray, Calif., and co-author of the book Your Divorce Advisor.

Every divorce is different, so ignore anything that seems like blanket tax advice. It’s important to consult a good advisor, perhaps a lawyer or CPA, for the best approach.

In the case of Rowe, the trade-off between alimony and the house worked out. She would have had to pay tax on alimony because it is considered taxable income, but she didn't owe anything on the share of the house because property can be transferred tax-free in a divorce settlement. What saved taxes in her circumstances might not apply to others, however.

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I ran across a David Letterman-ish list of the Top Ten remarks you should never make to the justice who is presiding at your divorce hearing:

10. “So she gets the gold and I get the shaft?”
9. “I don’t really think you would have ruled that way if I'd been a guy [gal].”
8. “I’m really not comfortable raising my right hand and repeating after anyone.”
7. “I’m not hiding my income, so help me God.”
6. “Why are you picking on me?”
5. “No court is going to tell me what to do.”
4. “You’ll have to wait a minute — my cell-phone’s ringing.”
3. “I don’t have time for this.”
2. “You’re the one who should have a psych eval.”
1. “With all due respect, Your Honor, have you ever been through a divorce?"

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When an individual is experiencing divorce this can be a very sad and lonely time and some people have trouble recovering.



Yet after a divorce, an individual is given a new chapter in their life to write in any way, shape or form. This is a chance for a person to do things they have only dreamed about.

If you are having trouble recovering from divorce and want to regain control of your life, you may want to consider hypnosis. 

Hypnosis is a form of therapy that works on an unconscious or a subconscious level. An individual who undergoes hypnosis will be placed into a deep state of relaxation.

It is during this deep state of relaxation that our subconscious mind is the most receptive to new ideas and perspectives. In the process of hypnosis, a person can learn how to visualize themselves recovered from their divorce, leading a happy and healthy life. Hypnosis allows a person to “see” themselves recovered and to “feel” how great life is after divorce.

Divorce does not have to remain a roadblock that is stopping you from living life.

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When the going gets tough, you might want to consider these New Agey suggestions for coping with divorce. Even if some are too “out there” for you to actually do, they’re good for a laugh.

1. Do the rite thing. Engage a celebrant to perform a ceremony that turns your divorce into a meaningful event. “Anyone making this choice needs the support and acknowledgement of friends and family to make peace with the past and begin building a positive future,” says Boston-based celebrant Cindy Matchett. For more info go to Matchett’s site (meaningfulcelebrations.com) or to find a celebrant in your area, visit celebrantusa.com/map.html.

2. Smudge with sage. Native Americans do spiritual house-cleaning by burning a bundle of dried sage, a practice known as “smudging.” Ignite the sage and, starting at the doorway, move through your space counterclockwise. When the smoke clears, you’ll have purified your home — and purged your ex. Find sage bundles at incensewarehouse.com.

3. Find someone new. No, not a rebound relationship, but one that’s unconditionally loving — with a pet. A pooch or a kitty waiting at home can do wonders for that empty house or apartment (okay, they can do damage, too, but that’s another story). Your local shelter or rescue group is a good place to start.

4. Think ink. A new (or your first) tattoo can be a visual reminder of your decision to start fresh. “You could get the word ‘freedom’ in Chinese letters,” suggests Jon Jon, a tattoo artist with Cutting Edge Body Arts in New York City’s West Village.

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Since divorce obviously is here to stay, it would strange if there weren’t entrepreneurs ready, willing and able to make the most of a bad situation. How? By tapping into the latest trend: divorce parties.

While some women have issues with “celebrating” the end of a marriage, others are eager to throw themselves a giant hoohah once the final papers are signed. There are, believe or not, gift registries and party planners available for the newly divorced.

There are also Web sites, like plumparty.com, at which to purchase the appropriate party decorations and accessories. How about paper plates that say “No men! Amen!”? And what’s a party without music? Customized playlists invariably begin with the immortal Donna Summer’s “I Will Survive.”

Divorce even has its own variation on traditional party games: Care to play “Throw the Ring in the Toilet” or “Pin the Tail on the Ex”? And this may be taking it too far, but for the very bitter ex-spouse, consider gifting her with a voodoo doll.

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New marriage legislation in Kenya may bring some order to a mishmash of regulations and tradition that currently govern relationships in this East African nation.

No less than nine laws are applicable in Kenya today, including the African Christian Marriage and Divorce Act, the Hindu Marriage Act, and my personal favorite, the Married Women Property Act of England of 1872, which determines the property rights of spouses, particularly in divorce. Check the date on that legislation!

The role of a dowry in Kenyan society will be weakened, as the Marriage Bill 2007 specifies that it should not affect the validity of a marriage in any way. “Default or part payment of bride price or dowry should not to be considered as a ground for invalidating a marriage,”says law professor Githu Muigai, who headed the commission drafting the new bill.

Couples — or at least the women — in what are known as “come-we-stay” relationships will be pleased with the law, because it will make them the equivalent of common-law marriages. Provincial administrators will be authorized to register come-we-stay couples as man and wife those if they have “stayed” together for at least two years.

Some reformers were surprised that polygamous marriages were given the official stamp of approval But there was one condition: The man must be upfront with his intention to spread “Big Love” before his first marriage.

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The new passport regulations have thrown a wrench in travel plans, and meant weeks or even months of waiting for thousands of Americans this summer. And that passport has been extremely costly for a select few who are ignoring their child support obligations.

That’s because the State Department denies passports to noncustodial parents who owe more than $2,500 in support payments. According to the Associated Press, a passport cost a U.S. businessman now living in China $311,491 in back payments and another planning a Dominican Republic vacation had to cough up $45,849.

States have reported collecting at least $22.5 million through the Passport Denial Program so far in 2007. The money is then forwarded to the parent to whom it was owed.

Jeanette Dean of Seattle had to tap into her retirement savings to pay the basics for her 12-year-old son, when the state of Washington was unable to help her collect delinquent child support payments. But this year she got a “windfall” of $36,000 through the passport program.

Delinquent parents can reapply for a passport once their debt is paid. But some people never learn. A boxer paid $39,000 in back payments to the state of Nevada, but then lost his passport. In order to fight overseas this year he needed a replacement, so his promoter had to lend him almost $9,000 to cover his new child support debts.

Too many years in the ring, or what?

Chances are you’ve read about people trapped in unhappy marriages because they couldn’t sell their home, or couples whose lifestyles took a nosedive when they divorced.

Well, this weekend The New York Times ran an interesting story about real estate facilitating divorce!

For a number of years, Michele Kleier, a realtor on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, had a client who called her regularly to check on the price she could list her 9-room co-op for.

When the market was at its peak, the woman planned to divorce her husband, sell the apartment and live on her share of the profits.

This client went through with her plan, and now lives in a California condo, where she raves about the weather and revels in the distance she put between herself and her ex. “The real estate market allowed her to buy her freedom,” says Kleier.

Brokers and attorneys alike agree that the red-hot New York City real estate market has opened up a world of possibilities for unhappy couples. Up until 2006, it wasn’t that unusual to see home prices rise 20 or 30 percent a year, and though appreciation has slowed down, sales and market value haven’t. The price of the average Manhattan apartment this summer was $1.3 million. And the $3 million apartment is now the $7 million apartment. Half of that is a lot.

Gary Becker, an economist at the University of Chicago, has studied survey data and concludes that any couple who see a drastic rise (or drop) in net worth is at risk of divorce.

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You’ve heard of fake designer handbags from Hong Kong, of course, and a host of other consumer goods that are not what they seem to be. But how about fake divorces?

Yes, China has now taken the lead in bogus divorces, or “convenience divorces,” as they are called there.

Divorce was actually quite rare in China until the country began economic reforms in the late 1970s. How did economic policy effect divorce? Well, you needed the permission of your work unit’s superior to even start the process.

Divorce rates began to shoot up, reaching 1.9 million in 2006. But there are suspicious patterns to many of these ruptured unions.

Welfare payments in Beijing, for example, are allotted per household, irrespective of the number of people in the home. According to a survey of 30 households receiving benefits in the Fushuijing neighborhood of Beijing, 20 of them were divorced couples who still lived together after they qualified as separate households under the social security program.

Or consider the 86 couples in one small Sichuan village who suddenly filed for divorce. Part of the village was to be demolished for a development project and villagers were to be compensated for their losses on the basis of “households.” After receiving compensation as two households, guess how many of these couples remarried?

There are many other instances like these, and to have 1,000 couples split up simultaneously in a single province is not unusual.

Chinese officials are well aware they are being scammed, but unless there is a sudden nationwide outbreak of honesty, there is little they can do.

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How often have you thought that you’re doing more than your fair share? If you’re a woman with children and a job, plus a golf-playing, TV-watching spouse, probably a lot. It can make you feel so resentful that there are many days when you’d really rather not be married anymore.

Well, you aren’t alone. “Chore wars” are now one of the major factors in divorce, according to sociologist Lynne Prince Cooke at the University of Kent in Cambridge, England.

In a paper she presented to the Council of Contemporary Families, she stated: “I found that couples where the wife earns about 40 percent of the income while the husband does about 40 percent of the housework have the lowest risk of divorce,” she wrote. In contrast, the risk of divorce rises if the husband is the sole earner and the wife is the sole cleaner, or if the opposite is true — the wife brings in more than 80 percent of income and the husband is “Mr. Mom.”

While many husbands agree in theory to the concept of equitably sharing chores and child care, it’s been my experience that they’re long on rhetoric and short on action.

Were “chore wars” a factor in your marriage or divorce? See also Katherine McKee’s take on this topic.

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