A comment on one of my recent blogs said this about the things I write about my husband: "I don't recall one post that mentions loving, appreciating or cherishing him."

Maybe I'm not making myself clear, and that doesn't surprise me. I spend so much of my time lately in a confused state that sometimes I really don't know how I feel about my husband. I'm not surprised that someone who takes the time to read through my posts would start to wonder whether I actually love my husband anymore or if I don't. You can't possibly assume that this isn't something that I haven't labored over in my mind over and over again.

Do I appreciate my husband? Yes, I do. I've written about how he's a professional man who supports his family well. I've written about how he's making his way through graduate school. I realize that a lot of different aspects of my life would be much more difficult if he wasn't around.

Do I cherish my husband? I've written about how I cherish watching his interactions with our children. He can make them burst into giggles quicker than anyone else.

Do I love my husband? Holy cow, that's going into a really gray area. I once loved my husband very much. He has since changed into a different man, and I have changed into a different woman. Does the New Me love the New Him? Yes, there is some love there. Is there as much love now as there once was? No, not even close.

My husband spent a great deal of time not appreciating me and not cherishing me, and although he said he loved me there was really no proof there.  That's devastating, and it's still very painful to revisit. That's probably why you don't read many blogs from me singing my husband's praises. 

In an ideal world I'll someday get to the point to where I'll have no problem blatantly loving, appreciating, and cherishing my husband. I just don't know if that will ever happen.