You know how I said having sex was like going to the gym? There's something else that fits the same bill. Visiting the in-laws. A good daughter in-law should make the effort. She may never want to, and may get out of the habit, but once she's there, it can be enjoyable, and she might even feel good about herself afterward.

That was my attitude when I went to see my in-laws last weekend. I made myself go because I knew it was the right thing to do. In fact, I suggested the trip! And it was infinitely bearable.

One major adjustment may have made all the difference: For once, we didn't make an overnight of the trip. Rob's parents live three hours away — a long drive to make twice in one day. But beyond the annoyance of his father's incessant stories, sleeping over in Rob's boyhood bedroom can bring up all sorts of bad memories. Like the time I heard his family talking about me downstairs. Or, so long ago, before we were married and they would let us sleep in the same room, how we had sex in his twin bed and giggled when we looked up and noticed the dusty cross looming above us. (Of course, that wouldn't be a bad memory in and of itself if the days of having sex are so far behind us now.)

But I'm skirting the issue here. The real story is that I was avoiding my in-laws as long as I was seriously considering leaving Rob. As long as we were heading for splittsville, I didn't want to get any closer to his family and run the risk of more heartache (for missing them) when we separated.

But recently, I worried that our pulling away from our families was contributing to our troubles. I wondered if re-establishing closer ties might buoy us up, might help us feel closer. That, and an embarrassingly long time had passed since I'd seen them. It was time to make the trip.

And it was a delightful day that indeed made me feel more part of a fledgling family of two with Rob. With the commencement of each new, long-winded story from his Dad, we caught each other's eyes across the room. "I know what you're thinking," I thought. "I understand you." And I felt understood in return. Glad I made that trip.